ointment for my bruised ego

I received my first alumni magazine in the mail today. The focus of the issue: the University of Guelph's international goals. As I was leafing through it I thought, of course, that we should get an article about AIESEC in the alumni magazine - alumni of the University of Guelph being a good target audience for messages about AIESEC. Then I saw a short little bit called "Canadian Students Travel More." It starts out talking about AIESEC Canada Inc.'s 04-05 exchange results, and ends with a little "quote" attributed to me - not sure where this article came from, and it's just a short one that doesn't really say anything about any accomplishments I may have made, but I'll take my name in print in some positive vein any day, particularly today :)

So much for my happy ending....

It was half-way through the afternoon yesterday before I realized I was the only woman in a meeting room full of men. It's strange and a little disheartening that that still happens, no? Funny I didn't notice it earlier.

I've been thinking about the ends of stories lately. That's what's most disturbing about not returning to Belgrade - it's messy and unfinished. There's a lack of closure.

I know what my team and I did in Serbia & Montenegro, the positive impact that we had. The impact the experience had on me. My team and some others know, while others forget, the contributions I made. I worry only that what happened last weekend is the second part of a "one step forward, two steps back"-type deal - but this is now out of my hands. I truly wish the best for everyone there, that they will look for the best in others and each other, and take positive steps forward together.

I experienced the end of a different story a few weeks ago. A chance encounter assured me that a difficult step I'd taken in the name of friendship had been the right one, even though it was unwelcome at the time. It was nice to be able to see a positive ending, and put that sub-plot to rest, even though years have passed.

I thought I was managing to please people on both sides of the Atlantic and also, that they were all pleasing me. I was only partly right. I was pleasing the people important to me, personally, but in the end it wasn't enough.

But life goes on - work is going well here and I am getting busier, making more money, which is a nice little benefit of having real work. I enjoy the people I work for and with. The subject matter is interesting. I can feel good about the things we are doing. I will buy a car soon. Piece by piece, my life in Canada is coming back together.

Oh, for those of you who also like to know the ends of stories - there had been a check-in at the Hotel California. Not all stories have such a nice, neat, definitive ending. OK well - maybe that ending is not exactly "neat".

Growth in AIESEC Serbia & Montenegro

Hey guys, (non-AIESECers, sorry for the AIESEC-speak),

The new and improved DAAL files are finally up and look great! I was so happy to read this:

"Serbia and Montenegro has shown positive growth of 25% after experiencing negative growth for 3 years at a stretch, largely due to the implementation of a structured induction process."

I'm so proud to be part of a team that played a role in this. Congratulations to every member of AIESEC Serbia & Montenegro who contributed to this amazing growth! I'm sure this is only the beginning of sustained growth in this country! I'll be back soon to celebrate with you guys! :D

thought for the day

"The first man who, having enclosed a piece of land, thought of saying 'This is mine' and found people simple enough to believe him, was the true founder of civil society. How many crimes, wars, murders; how much misery and horror the human race would have been spared if someone had pulled up the stakes and filled in the ditch and cried out to his fellow men: 'Beware of listening to this impostor. You are lost if you forget that the fruits of the earth belong to everyone and that the earth itself belongs to no one!'" - Jean-Jacques Rousseau, Discourse on the Origin of Inequality, 1754

Discovering the Night

Plodding through the thick brush
On a balmy summer's night,
I look up and take notice
Of the sliver of bright white.

I continue down the path
Thoughts closed tight like shutters
Blind to other creatures' worlds,
To all that the wind utters.

Trees enfold me, keep me, hold me,
But their secrets they won't share.
Mysteries surround me, mock me, hound me
'Til at last I deign to care.

I step out of the forest
Into the ring of firelight,
I lay down and watch that sliver
For the first time unafraid of night.

(That's old but I still like it.)

Guelph

It's good to be home.

Don't get me wrong. I haven't given up the nomadlife entirely. I'm not done travelling by a long shot (and of course I am going back to Belgrade soon). But I really love the Guelph/Fergus area, I love my country (however screwed up our political scene is) and I know I want this to be my home base.

I'm in Guelph again almost everyday now and whenever I walk downtown I just smile. The (admittedly small) city is just so...interesting. It's unique. It's got character. It's very close-knit, which can be vaguely suffocating at times, but usually its a source of contentment. I love my alma mater. Deciding to leave Western and eventually enroll at Guelph was clearly one of the best decisions I've ever made. I really look forward to building my career here, which is what is going to happen, it looks like.

So my nickname "Guelph" is appropriate, it seems :)

As one moves forward sometimes one encounters reminders of one's past. Today I ran into one of the first major crushes of my life (small-town hazzard). I thought back to how my self-esteem was hugely impacted by this guy (negatively, we may say). And today I could hardly care less what he thinks...I think. Although if he is thinking about me tonight, well I suppose that wouldn't be an altogether bad thing, would it?